10 Ways to Experience a No Weight Gain Pregnancy

#1 is vital, a must have, make sure not to miss it.

1.      Start overweight, by at least 30 lbs.

2.      Be diagnosed with preeclampsia your proceeding pregnancy, particularly the kind that requires post-partum meds.  That way your OB docs say what every newly pregnant mom wants to hear, “try not to gain any weight.”

3.      Have your children 18 months or less apart.  That helps your primary interaction with food be your one-year-old’s bottomless pit of a stomach.

4.      GI viruses are particularly helpful.  One a trimester should be fine.

5.      Move away from all your friends & eating in general as a social interaction.

6.      (#5 & #6 relate) Have a minor depressive episode in the second half of your pregnancy, such as one that might be caused from moving from a warm environment to a cold environment in the dead of winter, particularly if all your expenses can triple.

7.      For your new home choose somewhere that has 47 steps from your garage to your bedroom door.

8.      Tell your husband he can no longer come home for lunch.  That way he won’t be jealous of the Luna bar & prenatal vitamins you have for your meal.

9.      Seriously, never be without a bottle of water.

10.   (And this one’s not just for pregnancy!) Get rid of the 95% of your wardrobe that doesn’t fit anymore because it’s too tight.  Nothing fixes excessive weight issues faster than walking around in your skivvies in a house full of mirrors!