Silent Retreats

Breaking points... those with opportunity seek what is available not to reach them, or at least to be in a safe environment for the duration of their climax.

For the introverts among us, I highly recommend silence for our loudest moments.

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Many might think I’m running
In fact the opposite’s truer, I’m stopping
A pause in my grand scheme of time wasted
To spend some if not more later, wisely
A pause
To listen, to observe, to think
To meet
To better be

‘they were at their wits’ end. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven… Whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great love of the Lord.’
Psalm 107:27b-30, 43

Lethal Comforts

At a difficult time in my life when I felt wronged on many fronts, the Lord refused to ‘take my side’ and instead seemed more interested in rooting out two things I clung to like a newborn at the breast: resentment and bitterness.

Once able to finally see their unmitigated destructive nature in my life I asked how to fight them and he answered by telling me what they were, conveying it to be a matter of my elected perspective.

un R easonable
E nergy
S pent
E ntertaining
N egative
T houghts

B razenly
I nternalizing
T hose
T houghts
E xercising
R esentment

Sadness

There was a time in my life when those who saw me most but knew me least took the risk of telling their boss I had become different and the difference was best described as ‘sadness’.

I dispassionately took their concern to the Lord and asked ‘what is my sadness?’ This was his immediate answer. I record it now for you in the event it’s also yours. Acknowledge it; then do or submit to the work of recovery.

S oulache
A bandonment
D oubt
N earsightedness
E xhaustion
S ubstitutionaries
S elf-pity

Brad

Disheveled, unclean, your pain screams
Stature shot, tears unsought
Raw and fresh, open flesh
You grasp for belief engulfed by grief
Many judge, sympathies unbudged
So you try on a shroud, seek solace in crowd
Feign to smile, but no one’s beguiled
There’s a season for all and it’s yours to fall
Prostrate, unbent, fragmented lament
Others can pray while you endure decay
Divers healing transpires by grave

Misconception

Pain of emptiness
Draining of lifelessness

Games of the mind
Dreams of beauty turn unkind

Latent desire
Now down to the wire

Without within
Each month begins again

Though tested, unchanged
My confession’s the same

Not to will for the simple sake of pride
Let us conceive only as you’ve chosen the child

Gluttonous Living

As I overeat, overindulge, over consume
I lose my acute sense of goodness and grace
I destroy my God-gifted sense of taste for all things living
I mute and dumb my discernment
I stifle my engine
I turn my eyes inward and lose perspective with a quickly redrafted reality that keeps me at the center
Committing self-harm
And rendering me a nuisance to original intention
Shame and deception so great I cannot see

Defined anything I take for myself beyond my need
I couldn’t possibly create a list as my true needs are so minute

How can I imagine righteousness or living by faith when my independent self-sufficient responsible existence precludes its very source

Work unto men as if unto God
I live work unto me as if I were God
And I am unworthy of the glory I self-ascribe
I am not concerned with much beyond pleasure now, even poor pleasures – I care not to care

The lies I hear I embody, this is my testimony
The other evidence is dim in comparison

But I hear and feel the calling
It is clear as you are clear
I feel not condemned though I myself am nauseated with shame

Not yet relentless, it is still my option
The rich love that extends ‘Come’ to a disobedient free will
I know this time you will persist
For I also know the reason

Mostly I do not wish to empty and I am fearful of the filling
Now the faint desire comes to know you again within
And I accept the quaking to come
I cannot contain you, yet you do not destroy me
Lord, you yourself restitch the pieces
Can I say in belief I trust you, perhaps this moment
Gird the rest