Counting my blessings

You my Jesus, my God, my brother.  I am overwhelmed.  I cannot walk with you unless you give me the strength - so you pray for me, and I learn to walk.

My godly grandparents and those even before you.  I weep in gratitude, what words can be expressed?  I am humbled by the faithfulness, you lovers of God and servants of all.  I pray Father you permit me such a wealth in impoverishment.

My husband.  No one apart from Divinity has imparted me with such grace.  You are a rock.  I will remain undeserving no matter my growth.

A year ago today I carried such a tiny child inside. Oh giver of great gifts, you have multiplied my eternal joy.

To those of you I am blessed to know, to those of you who have raised me, discipled and disciplined me, who have been my friend during different walks in our mutual lives, who have held me up or the very few who have pushed me down.  Our paths together were purposed and I praise our sovereign God.  I am thankful.

 



Homecoming

The concept has generally held positive regard for me
   even in how I perceive its occurrences in others' timelines.
I've lived with little pain and with no truly malicious suffering.
It's only more recently where I've begun to visualize
   the nuanced nature of homecoming for most.
For the undefeated, it's an expectant hope mixed with inevitable sorrow.
I honor the difficulties that faithfulness will bear in our broken world,
   how a determinate spirit will not only call but embrace a home
   where thorns grow wild in even a kept garden.
It is true; healing is actualized when flight born from fear is abandoned
   and the batterer and battered spirit in the same heart
   choose a God-breathed courage to accept their quintessential vulnerability.
Such beauty is fashioned in such a homecoming,
   where pleasure may be found if one is willing to persevere the pain.

The only choice before me...

In the den, in the hollow of the unknown
Oh dear Lord, please protect me
Are you not able?
Yes, I know you are
My certainty remains in your ability alone,
   without knowledge of your permissive will
I can submit
For I can choose to trust you and relinquish facaded control
My life, my joys as well as sufferings, my death, is the same
In the palm of your hand

Procrastination

What is it exactly that draws me to procrastination

Is it the potential for self-loathing

 The immeasurable personal frustration

 The pain or inconvenience inflicted on others

Is it the impossible drive for perfection

 The disappointment with the task

 A rebellion against authority

Is it a desire to fail

 The fear of what lies ahead

 Or just sheer disobedience of God

Fear Is Not

What is fear for me?

Confidence that I can misguide myself and others
      perhaps even with help from the enemy
It is distrust in God
It is an acknowledgement that I am inadequate
      but also so is my personal belief in Him
What am I afraid of that He cannot answer?
What enemy do I have, even in myself?
‘Fear not child for I Am with thee’
I fear my distance from His voice
      in a way which seems to validate it
A temptation to worry I feed to growth
For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the law,
      deceives me
But this too my King is conqueror over
And I belong to Him, l’melek
He’s given me such powerful freedom;
      I accept
What is fear?  It is not greater.

Milestone

God, my father, became my friend

A friend turned lover was the end

A boy approached the throne above
and asked my lover for my love

God took the hand He’d given me
and placed it in a bond of three

‘My Lord, my God,’ I humbly cried,
‘have you pushed me from your side?’

My heart trembled to think the Lamb
had plans for me apart from Him

Sweet silence was the peace I heard,
then I opened the Living Word

‘My plans for you are rich, believe,
have faith in me as I lead’

Days to months and now ten years
and my beloved I draw near

As I look up to see your face
Christ is what my eyes embrace

A gifted man, an honored son,
a temple for the Most High One

God turned not away from me
Yahweh weaved instead his unity 

Philippians 2:2 ‘…being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit...’

I started this poem a decade ago, so now I write ‘ten years’ and the last two lines.
Happy Anniversary Baby!  I hope you know I love you.



Way to Freedom

With trepidation but trust

          we forge through our fears

Choosing not to navigate

          their many courses of entrapment

But rather to close our eyes and see

          the choice of another plane,

          another plan entirely

Praise God who frees us from the

          enslavement of our past and

          sets our feet to the wind of His Spirit

I am both a bondwoman and a bondservant

 

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."  I Corinthians 10:13