#1 is vital, a must have, make sure not to miss it.
1. Start overweight, by at least 30 lbs.
2. Be diagnosed with preeclampsia your proceeding
pregnancy, particularly the kind that requires post-partum meds. That way your OB docs say what every newly
pregnant mom wants to hear, “try not to gain any weight.”
3. Have your children 18 months or less apart. That helps your primary interaction with food
be your one-year-old’s bottomless pit of a stomach.
4. GI viruses are particularly helpful. One a trimester should be fine.
5. Move away from all your friends & eating in
general as a social interaction.
6. (#5 & #6 relate) Have a minor depressive
episode in the second half of your pregnancy, such as one that might be caused
from moving from a warm environment to a cold environment in the dead of
winter, particularly if all your expenses can triple.
7. For your new home choose somewhere that has 47
steps from your garage to your bedroom door.
8. Tell your husband he can no longer come home for
lunch. That way he won’t be jealous of
the Luna bar & prenatal vitamins you have for your meal.
9. Seriously, never be without a bottle of water.
10.
(And this one’s not just for pregnancy!) Get rid
of the 95% of your wardrobe that doesn’t fit anymore because it’s too
tight. Nothing fixes excessive weight
issues faster than walking around in your skivvies in a house full of mirrors!
